Oh man, you guys, I am trying to figure this all out. Puh-lease, tell me I’m not the only one whose house looks like it’s been ransacked by thieves who decided they’d pass on anything Elmo. I can literally count fourteen different piles of junk from where I’m sitting and I can pretty much guarantee they’re all going to end up in one giant pile, which, in turn, is going to get shoved into the back bedroom before the sitter gets here. Because I’m nothing if not efficient. If our surroundings are a metaphor for our lives, well, you can get a pretty good idea of how chaotic things feel right now.
Now don’t get me wrong! My life is filled with super-fun stuff – trips and visitors and projects and all really good things, but what I wouldn’t give for just one day alone to simply get things done and, holy crap, when did I turn into my mother? It’s like I’m up against a never-ending to do list whose only goal is to keep me in a state of constant, mild anxiety so I’m never fully present.
And, I’m trying to give myself a little breathing room as I figure out how to incorporate Fabulistas into my everyday life. But cutting myself slack is not a place where I feel comfortable. I’d much rather set unobtainable goals and then beat myself up when I can’t reach them because life and being a mom/wife/friend/sister/daughter/housecleaner/errand gal/fire put-ter out-ter comes first. Which is how our lives are set up right now (how we chose to set up our lives up right now so I have the time to hang out with my daughter) so that things like blogging regularly and growing my business might take a bit longer than I’d like.
Part of the problem is my expectations haven’t fully made the transition to parenthood. I’m still holding myself to the same standards as my pre-Alice self when I had nothing but time to work and yoga and sleep (or at least it looks like that in retrospect). Things are a bit – oh, I don’t know – different now and perhaps it’s time to let go of antiquated expectations in the same way I’ve let go of minis and tube tops. Some things just don’t fit like they once did.
Maybe it’s time to realize my house is never going to be entirely clean at the same time, I’m not actually going to get out the Christmas cards from last year, and it’s okay if my college jeans still don’t fit because they didn’t button before Alice so let it go, Kara! Because the important things – spending time with my parents and sisters, adventuring with Alice, laughing with Chris, hanging out with friends – are getting done.
I know that I’m working as hard as I can (literally every minute of every day it feels like) to live a full life, to keep our family moving forward, to give my daughter a hilarious childhood, to keep the damn lights on, and I know all of you are too. I’m not sure how this is going to play out (suggestions, anyone?), but how about we start with this? I promise if I come by your house tomorrow and you have a huge pile of whatever sitting in your front room I will say nothing, and together we will slowly push it into the back room where we can shut the door, pour ourselves a glass of champagne, and sit down to a nice, long chat.
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